What if?
by pfps
Summary: What if Penny didn't tell Leonard "I Love You" in the hallway in S6 E8, "The 43 Peculiarity". What if something else happened. This is a one shot story, I hope you enjoy it.


**A/N: Sorry but it's been a while since I submitted a story. This takes place during S6 E8, The 43 Peculiarity episode. Sorry but I extracted some dialogue from the show to setup the storyline. I hope you enjoy it and like everyone else, your Comments and Reviews are very much welcomed.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "The Big Bang Theory". I just like writing about the characters. **

What if?

Leonard had finished work on time and slowly made his way up the stairs to the fourth floor. He was dreading, actually almost embarrassed if he ran into Penny as they had not talked to each other since the incident with Cole. He figured she must have been really pissed off at him as she hadn't even sent him a text or said anything to him over the last couple of days.

Leonard thought back when he walked down the stairs with Cole to the front door, warning Cole off from trying to date Penny. Leonard indicated that Penny's boyfriend was really tough and was part of a scientist gang. Cole took the information in stride and just walked out the building.

Unfortunately, Leonard was caught off guard when he turned around and realized that Penny was standing there on the landing before the first floor. He knew he was in big trouble for talking to him and walking Cole to the front door. Penny had this look on her face that just tore into his heart. He regretted everything that he just did. Penny stood there with arms crossed just staring at him, then just turned around and marched right back up the stairs without saying a word. He knew he went too far this time, especially after he asked if they were still dating and there was no reply. His heart immediately grew heavier as he knew what he just did would affect their relationship, but to what extent? The one big question in his mind was how much of the conversation did Penny hear between Cole and him.

As Leonard focused back on walking up the stairs to the fourth floor, his heart grew heavy and felt like he was dragging his whole body up the stairs. He really wished he had the time machine this time. He wished he could turn time back to before he left the apartment and followed Cole down the stairs. Unfortunately, according to Sheldon this would have been a typical time traveler's mistake.

He thought to himself afterwards, if he left good enough alone, things would be fine now. Instead, he felt like a really big jerk, putting Penny in the predicament that he did. This wasn't fair to Penny, as it put her in a situation where she would be completely embarrassed in front of Cole the next time they had class.

Leonard then thought to himself, 'Maybe Cole wasn't hitting on her at all. Maybe he was just trying being a nice person as Penny had mentioned, trying to get by as a foreign student. Leonard Hofstadter, you are such a stupid Jerk and screwed things up by over thinking things as always', he thought out loud in his head.

He wondered now if he was ever going to see Penny at all. It's been two days and he didn't hear a peep from her. He was starting to think that maybe this is the one that finally did it, who could blame her with his actions. Who would want some little nerd constantly being insecure about their relationship all the time? He thought that if he kept bring up his insecurities in front of Penny that she would eventually get fed up and break off with him once and for all.

If he hadn't let Sheldon put that bug about hypnotizing Penny into his ear while waiting for Cole to leave, he would have been perfectly fine.

As Leonard made it to his floor, he heard the door to 4B open and saw Penny locking her door as she was heading out to work.

With some restraint and sadness he greeted Penny with a little "Hi".

"Hey, shouldn't you be out with your gang spray painting equations on sides of buildings." Penny said with a sarcastic tone to Leonard.

"Come on… I'm sorry" replied Leonard as he walked towards Penny.

"I can't believe you don't trust me!" said Penny.

"Of course I do…" as Leonard tried to say sincerely but with no success.

"Then why did you embarrass me in front of my friend… who by the way knew exactly who you were!" Penny said with a frowned and annoyed expression on her face.

Leonard had this puzzled look on his face and was trying to figure out how he knew when he replied, "Really?"

"Your picture is on my refrigerator!" as Penny tries to point back to her apartment.

"Oh…" Leonard had this look of total embarrassment on his face and felt really stupid at this point. He totally had forgotten about the photos. Now wondering why his intelligence never thought of that before.

"You know, I'm not starting to like this guy" said Leonard as Cole was getting the upper hand in the equation.

With Penny's annoyed look at Leonard, she spoke out while pointing to her head, "What is your problem? Do you use up all your thinking at work and have nothing when you get home?"

Leonard tried to keep his sadness and frustration from showing in his face. He was trying to keep his composure while he responded. "You know it's hard sometime…. Everywhere you go, guys hit on you, even if I'm standing right there, and they're all taller than me. WHY IS EVERYONE TALLER THAN ME! You know what…. this is all in my head. This is my problem, not yours" as Leonard starts turning toward his apartment door. He was hoping that he could work this out in his head so that he wouldn't be a broken record.

Penny had this hurt look on her face as she explained to him, "Leonard why do to always do this. Listen to me; you are the one that I'm with. Can't you please relax, you're driving me crazy!" as Penny tries to get Leonard to understand.

With a heavy heart Leonard then spoke up, "Penny I'm sorry, this is something that I have to work out for myself. I'm truly sorry" as he turns toward his door and gets his keys out.

"Leonard!... Leonard! Don't do this?" as Penny was getting frustrated.

Leonard turns towards Penny and said "I'm sorry Penny this is really my issue, not yours. I have to be strong enough in our relationship and not feel threatened every time a guy comes up and talks to you. This is my issue and I have to work it out for us. I'm the one that has these feelings, not you." as Leonard tries to dismiss the issue with Penny.

"Arrgh… Leonard, I've had a long week and I'm tired. Can we talk about this later?" as Penny lets out a big sigh. "I'm late for work and I just don't have the time or energy to deal with this now. Leonard? Leonard? Can we talk about this later?" as Penny calls out to get Leonard's attention.

Leonard just walks into 4A and just closes the door with a thud.

Totally frustrated, Penny burst out "FINE! Have it your way. I'VE HAD IT!"

The hallway became very quiet after Penny's outburst. She was in complete shock and wasn't too sure what just happened. She tried to say something again to Leonard almost pleading but nothing came out. The door closed without a reply. Penny just stood there for a few minutes in silence and looked at her watch and slowly turned and walked down the stairs.

Her body was motionless as she slowly walked down the stairs. She wasn't even looking down at them at all. It was as if she instinctively knew where the stairs were. Going up and down several times a day became mentally ingrained in her brain. Her eyes started watering as she was completely lost. She felt bad that Leonard had felt that insecure in their relationship all this time. She thought that it was just a minor issue but not to the point where he had real issues.

She was in no shape now to go to work at all. She just wanted to get in her car and drive until the road reached the end of the world. She didn't feel like doing anything at all. Her body and mind were completely numb of any sensation. She was trying to comprehend what just happened but she just couldn't think properly. This was the first time that Leonard ever did this to her. The pain that she felt was deep from within her and there was nothing that she could to fix it.

The worst thing was she still had to go to work. She needed to pay her bills and she couldn't really afford to miss a lot of days. She was that close in not be able to make it on her own at all.

Leonard heard Penny's last comment as he closed the door. He fell back against the door as it closed. His heart broke into a million pieces.

There was nothing that he could do about it. It was like he had dropped a bag of marbles and just watched it scatter all over the floor. He just didn't have it in him to pick them up and stopped them from rolling all over the place. He felt his heart scatter in all different directions and then he hung his head and said "It's done?" Then he slowly put his bag on his chair and walked to his bedroom and closed the door.

Leonard just flopped on his bed and looked at the ceiling. A tear fell from the corner of his eyes as he thought of what just happened. He really couldn't believe it happened that quickly and easily. 'Why am I so insecure with my feeling with Penny? Why couldn't Penny just say something to that indicated she was solely with me?' as he thought to himself.

Leonard had told Penny that he loved her but she never once acknowledged anything back to him other than a "thank you". He couldn't understand what her issues were. He knew Penny really liked him and they were in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship but just couldn't acknowledge her feelings towards him verbally. He thought that maybe she was afraid of any kind of serious commitment. Unfortunately he'll never know as Penny said that she just couldn't take it anymore. She was emotionally too tired to handle it. He was thinking that maybe she never really loved him at all. Leonard thought that this would be his cross to bear for the rest of his life. He cursed himself for walking away from the conversation and saying the things that he did. If only he just shut up and kept quiet. His insecurities always ended up coming back to haunt him. At times he thought how much of his Mother's parenting and experimentation was probably the reason for him being this way?

Thinking more about that scenario made him even madder. He knew his persistent questioning and verification was due to his Mother for sure. It wasn't enough that the family was always competing with each other but there were several years between his brother and sister and they were all graded on the same level. They always had the upper edge and he had to try that much harder to not finish last all the time. He would look completely useless to his family, especially when his grade were the lowest. Coming in last most of the time gave him a complex that ended up making him feel like a failure as his Mother always ended up criticizing his work.

Leonard was never told if he was doing good or bad. He was always being criticized all the time. If he ever wanted any kind of positive acknowledgement on how he was doing, he had to keep asking his Dad if he was around. He would just get the same answer from his Dad too at times.

There were many times that he just didn't want to be at home. He just wanted to run away and not have to deal with his family. The heartache that he had to endure was more than anyone at his age should have dealt with. Not having a family actually would have been better to deal with things. At least he would be responsible for his own emotional turmoil instead of being imposed by someone's else just because of grades, experiments or social issues.

One thing that saved Leonard when he was young was his comic books. Having found one in the school yard after school one day, it basically transformed a part of his life. He was able to immerse himself from his day-to-day activities and it was a means of distraction from his family life and at times life in itself too. He at least received some comfort in being able to transform himself into someone's else life or adventure other than his own. This made life that much more bearable than what he was born into.

Slowly the emotional turmoil took its physical toll on Leonard and he slowly dozed off to sleep.

Penny got to her car and decided that she didn't care and she pulled out her cell phone and called into work sick. She just didn't have the energy to work tonight let alone being able to focus on what she needed to do. Even if she tried, she knew she would end up focusing on the argument that Leonard and her had. She figured that she would probably get into trouble with her Manager for not doing her job properly or would piss of some customer.

Instead, she started the car and decided to drive. It may not have been the best solution but she just didn't want to be at home now. Anywhere else was better than where she was; she just wanted to forget about everything. Penny locked her door, turned on the ignition and pulled out of her parking spot.

Driving through the streets of Pasadena became a big blur to her after a little while. The street lights passed over her, light after light as she drove. Over and over the lights continued to pass over her as the lines did on the road under her car. They became part of the background and just started to blend into everything else. The only focus after a while on the road was Leonard, and how to deal with his insecurities and her inability to reply back how she really feels for him.

A large transport truck roared passed her and startled her to the point where she almost drove off the highway. It shook the entire car and brought her back to reality as she realized she was still driving. After a few minutes she realized that she was outside the city limits. Her heart was now pounding heavily and her palms became very sweaty. Penny saw an exit ramp coming up and had to quickly pull off at the exit. She had to pull over and calm herself down as she was trembling. She saw a small empty mall off to the right and decided to pull into the parking lot right away.

Penny pulled over towards an empty spot in the parking lot under a parking light post. She stopped the car and turned off the engine and tried to compose herself as she was really scared. She didn't even remember driving through the streets of Pasadena or even having to deal with any of the traffic lights or stop signs. Maybe she did but just didn't remember them. Whether she did or not, it really frightened her. Penny put her head back against the head rest and just closed her eyes again. Tears started rolling down her face again as she felt the pain and anguish of the argument between Leonard and herself. She asked herself why she gave up so quickly with Leonard.

Penny's bills were piling up and she was worked extra hours to make ends meet. She was completely exhausted and the struggles within her were taking its toll on her. Her emotional roller coaster with how she felt for Leonard and inability to express herself was part of the problem. Not being able to verbally commit with Leonard was part of the issue but the inability to understand her issues with commitment was the key.

Penny couldn't understand why she was so afraid of Leonard, she had found someone who really cared for her, unconditionally and accepted her as she was with no strings attached. Unlike the rest of the guys in her past, Leonard treated her with respect and was always there for her and was willing to take care of her without any expectation or anything in return. The other guys were there mostly for the party or the chance to get a once night stand with her. Leonard's love for her was truly unconditional and selfless love.

Penny was thinking back to all the guys in her life over the past 10 years. None of them worked out and eventually ended up hurting her in one way or another. No matter how much she tried the result always ended the same.

Penny's heart broke again as she sobbed and fell forward with her forehead on the steering wheel. Thinking back how lucky and fortunate she was to be with Leonard, she started to settle down and started to settle down her nerves. Thinking back to her choice of guys, they weren't that high up on the evolution scale either as they were all superficial with no substance.

Penny sat there in the parking lot for some time trying to piece together her dilemma. She was thinking that she might need to talk to the girls to get a better understanding of why she felt that way. She knew it wouldn't be easy and it was going to take some time.

As Penny sat there thinking about it, she compared each one of her earlier boyfriend to Leonard. She wasn't too sure if this was the case or not, but she realized that of all of her relationships were all one-sided. It was only with Leonard that the relationship was two-way. She then realized that she always said "I love you" first. If they returned the gesture, they never really mean it. They got what they wanted or got cold feet right away and left. Leonard was actually the first one in her relationships that said it first and really meant it. The shoe was on the other foot this time and she was the one who got cold feet. She was in the situation where she wasn't making the first move and had to respond back to someones else response. That's why she felt uneasy and maybe even scared. She had to respond to someone's commitment first. She wasn't use to this at all. Actually she found it really difficult accept it even though she knew in her heart that she loved Leonard.

"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK" came from her side window. Her heart almost popped right out of her chest. She looked up and she had to blink a few times to adjust her eyes as she still had tears in her eyes. There were a bunch of guys asking her to open the door and asking if they could help her. Startled, Penny didn't realize what was happening. She looked around her car to see what was happening and notice that they had now surrounded her car.

By the time Penny regained her wits about her, some of the other guys that had made their way around the other side of the car and tried to force open the door. Thank goodness they were all locked. They then started chanting to her to come out and play with them. They weren't going to hurt her; they just wanted her to play with them for a while.

Terrified, Penny was thinking that she might not make it out of the parking lot. It was one thing to go Nebraska on one guy but not on all four of them at once. She quickly tried to turn the key over in the ignition but it didn't start. Her engine light was still on and she cursed herself. She could hear her engine turn over but it just wasn't catching. She tried again and the same results.

Now the four guys were rocking Penny's car from side to side as they taunted her. Penny was tossed side to side as she desperately tried the ignition again but it still didn't turn over. She was going to starting pumping the gas pedal when she heard Leonard's voice, 'Don't pump the gas, you'll just flood the chamber, then you won't start the car at all'. Then she heard one of the guys yelled out "Pop the hood and pull the cables so that she can't get away". Panic struck deep into Penny's heart and she was now starting to freak out. One of the guys then ran up to the front of the car and tried to force the hood open by sticking his fingers through the grille. Penny jammed her hand on the horn and this startled the guy and made him jump back as he tried to get under the hood.

She really pissed off the guy in front of the car as he screamed out load as it scared him. He was definitely not going to let this girl leave the parking lot now as she made him scream in front of his friends. He raised his arm and pointed his finger directly at Penny and yelled "YOUR NOT LEAVING THIS PARKING LOT ALIVE".

Penny tried the ignition again and this time the engine caught. She pressed on the accelerator all the way down to the floor and the engine revved really loudly. This scared the same guy again that was in the front of the car and he screamed like a girl again as he jumped out of the way. As soon as he did this, Penny popped the gear shift into drive and stomped on the pedal and she could hear the tires screeching as she pulled away as the guys pounded on the windows.

Penny steered toward the exit and headed straight for the sign indicating the highway back to the city. After a few minutes she looked in the rearview mirror to see if the guys were following her. Nobody followed her so she slowed down to a safer speed. She never realized how terrified she was. When she raised one of her hands from the steering wheel to wipe away the tears from her face, her hands were trembling. She had never experience anything like that ever before and she tried to settle herself down as her whole body started to shake. Her breathing became sporadic and she was trying to catch her breath but found it really hard. Penny placed her hand on her chest and trying to calm herself.

She didn't want to stop to rest until she was safe at home and into Leonard's arms. She couldn't hurry herself any faster without getting a huge speeding ticket if she got caught. She then just realized that they had that big fight. Her heart hurt again and Penny then started to tear up. She tried to hold it back but it just started flowing this time.

She had to see Leonard no matter what. Penny was a wreck and too sacred to be on her own right now. Her body still shaking and her emotions were running all over the place. Still in a panic mode she still kept on looking back into the rear view mirror checking to see if the guys were following her or not.

When she finally made it home, Penny looked around first to see if anyone was in the parking lot at the back of the building. Still shaken and scared, she took a quick look around and then opened her car door and ran to the front door. She ran all the way up the stairs to the fourth floor, disregarding the burning sensation that her legs were going through as she ran.

When Penny got the fourth floor, she made a B line to 4A and starting pounding on the door. She was trying to catch her breath, at the same time she called out to Leonard in a fearful voice begging him to open the door for her.

Leonard woke up from his sleep and heard the banging on their door. He could hear Penny's panic-stricken voice calling out for him. He jumped out of bed and ran to the door as quickly as he could.

Leonard opened the door with a frowned face and before he could say anything, Penny burst in and wrapped herself around him. Penny was shaking like a leaf and couldn't stop. She was crying but managed to say, "I...I...I'm so sorry L...Le...Leonard... P...Ple...Please forgive me, I...I...I'm so s...so...orry."

Leonard was in complete shock and didn't understand what was happening. Sheldon had come out from his bedroom by this time and squawked, "Leonard, Penny, do you know what time it is? Based on the roommate agreement there is no visiting or noise allowed at this hour."

"Sheldon, Please go to bed. Can't you see Penny is upset!" as Leonard said quietly and motioning Sheldon to go back to bed.

"Leonard, the roommate agreement clearly states" as Sheldon was abruptly cut off.

Leonard had no patience now for Sheldon and just yelled, "SHELDON... GO BACK TO BED NOW!"

With a startled look, Sheldon replied, "All right then, you don't have to yell. If Penny is upset, social convention dictates that you make her a tea", as Sheldon turned and walked back to his room.

Just before turning down the hallway to his room, Sheldon turned and said, "I'll speak to you in the morning about some changes". As Sheldon thought he had the last word, he turned and walked into his room and closed his bedroom door.

Leonard still in shock, held Penny as she was still shaking all over and now he could hear her heaving as she breathed into his neck. Leonard just rubbed Penny's back and just repeated, "Everything will be Ok. Everything will be Ok".

Leonard with a caring voice motioned Penny towards the couch and said "Let's sit down on the couch". Once on the couch he asked Penny calmly "Penny can you tell me what happened?"

Penny tried to force herself to speak as she was feeling a bit calmer but her body was still shaking. "L...Le..onard. I'm so sorry for fighting with you. I…I re..ally am."

"Don't worry, just take your time and tell me when you're ready" as Leonard spoke up.

It was at least five minutes before Penny finally was feeling the comfort and security of Leonard's arm wrapped tightly around her, keeping her secure. As time passed with Leonard holding her, she could feel her whole body start to settle down. She took one deep breath and her whole body shivered and her body then settled down.

"Now...Now Penny, can you tell me what happened? Why are you so upset? What happen?" as Leonard had this concerned expression on this face. Even though they just had that big argument, he set aside his hurt and still spoke to Penny with a loving and caring voice to calm her down. He was still very much in love with her and his heart was breaking as he held her. He really didn't want to see her so upset.

Penny looked up to his face and saw that look that he always gave her when she was upset. She could feel herself tearing up again but tried to hold it back so she could tell Leonard what happened.

"I was really upset after our argument and I decided to go for a drive for a little while instead of going to work…. I just couldn't cope with going into work tonight as my mind just wasn't in it, besides, I probably would have gotten fired if I did." Penny sniffled a few times and continued on. "I realized after a while that I had reached the city limits. I didn't even remember driving all that way or even dealing with any traffic lights or stop signs. I freaked out after a transport trailer passed me and that's when I pulled into that small mall at the edge of the city limits.

While I was gathering my thoughts, four guys came out of nowhere and started harassing me. They... They started to shake the car and started taunting me to come out and play. They were shaking the car from side to side and they were going to open my hood and pull out the wires so I couldn't escape... One of the guys even threatened me and said that I wouldn't leave the parking lot alive.

I got really scared and when I tried to start the car and it wouldn't turn over, I really started to panic and freaked out. That's when my whole body started shaking. Then I heard your voice in my head about not pumping the gas and flooding the engine. I waited a few more minutes and the car started right away. I was so scared Leonard, I thought that I would never make it out of the parking lot."

"Well your safe now Penny and nobody is going to harm you", as said with a caring voice.

Penny felt the comfort and safety of being in Leonard's arms. He may not have been the hunkiest man but he was the most caring, kindest and smarted person she ever knew.

While she sat on the couch in Leonard's arm, her mind and body started to settle down and felt more relaxed. Her mind started to think of the things that just happened and being in Leonard's arm didn't frighten her as much.

While still holding each other, Penny just repeated to herself, 'I love you so much... I love you so much,' and repeated herself a couple more times. Sudden, she said it out loud, "I love you so much". Penny wasn't too sure if she had just had said it out loud or not. She flinched for a second and realized that she didn't care if she did say it out loud or not. It felt right and then she looked up at Leonard.

"Leonard Hofstadter, I love you with all my heart and soul."

Leonard was completely dumbfounded and had this surprised expression on his face, he couldn't believe his ears. He was thinking that maybe he imagined Penny said it out loud as he wanted her to say it to him, but it actually was her. Leonard had to make sure.

"Penny?"

"Leonard Hofstadter... I love you with all my heart" said as she had this warm and generous smile that she gave Leonard. Her smile and glimmer in her eyes just said it all and replaced all the words that she could have thought of.

Leonard's heart just took off like a rocket with a huge joyous explosion. The expression went from a quiet expression to a huge smile that went from one side of his face to the other. The carefree feeling just overwhelmed him as he felt like soaring way up in the skies. He held Penny closer and said "Penny... I love you so much, I've always loved you. You've just made the happiest guy in the entire universe." The he leaned in and gave Penny a deep and passionate kiss.

Leonard was still curious and he had to ask, "Penny can I ask what brought this on?"

Penny sat for a few seconds to compose herself and spoke, "When I stopped in the parking lot I was thinking why I couldn't reply back to your 'I love you' whenever you said it, I knew perfectly well that I did. You were the first person to actually say 'I love you' to me first and really meant it. No one ever said that to me first before. I think this is what really freaked me out and for some reason it was difficult for me respond. This was the first time and I didn't know how to handle true love."

When Penny and Leonard looked at each other again, they smiled and embraced each other with a huge hug and a deep and passionate kiss. Sharing the warmth and passion of their love for one another, they walked towards Leonard's bedroom hold each other knowing that they were going to be fine.

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the story. Again your Comments and Reviews are always welcomed.**


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